Breathing

Are you sick of that love quote yet?!  Nothing too long to follow, at least not just yet. Life has been crazy, busy, but good. Sometime soon I'll have pages full of pics on here again, but for now, all I have is another quote, because, well... It's completely perfect for this moment.

On Love

How to Make a Marriage Last

By no means am I a marriage expert, but I've learned a few things since Ryan and I began life as a married couple nearly four and a half years ago.  

The biggest lesson for me about marriage: 

Don't sweat the small stuff, and pick your battles.  

This is a hard one for me, as I like to have the last word and have things just my way... 

But those things are not as important to me as happiness in my marriage, so I've learned to let the little things go, which I think is important.

On our wedding day we asked friends and family to share their advice to us as newlyweds.  Some of my favorite responses:

-Laugh a lot, love a lot, and lower your expectations.

-Tough times usually come--the perfect time to hold each other closer.

-Love is a verb, so do it.  It doesn't just happen.

(And my personal favorite:)

-Ryan, she is always right!!  Just nod your head and say, "Yes dear.'  Trust me on this one!

That brings me to this article my mom saved for me awhile back where couples who had been married for an extended period of time shared their own marriage advice.

How To Make a Marriage Last

1. Work hard. People who stay married for a long time make a conscious effort at working at their relationships. They place their commitment to each other as a higher priority than work, hobbies and even their children. They know that the best way to be a great parent is to be in a loving and long-lasting relationship.
2. Talk about things that matter. It’s so easy to waste time talking about routine matters of work, family or chores. Happy couples talk about their dreams, fears, hopes and fantasies. They share very private and personal feelings and thus stay emotionally engaged with their partner. With a psychological security based on trust and communication, these couples can truly be themselves and experience that amazing feeling of being safe and accepted in another’s presence.
3. Be nice. We all want to feel special, particularly from our lifelong partner. The experts have found that little things mean a lot in a relationship. Simple things such a genuine compliment, a thoughtful surprise and special attention during tough times really matter. They reflect a caring and concern that mean a lot more than flowers once a year.
4. Celebrate life. A colleague of mine left work early to take her husband out for dinner to celebrate his recent positive evaluation at work. I voiced some surprise at making such a big deal over such a routine event. My friend gently advised me that their family constantly searches out opportunities to notice and enjoy events that others may view as routine. Successful partners enjoy each other, and they actively look for ways to have fun. They are attentive to the small accomplishments of their partners.
5. Argue gently. Conflict is inevitable in any relationship. Arguments about making, saving and spending money are the number one sources of tension between partners. Good couples don’t ignore such problems, but deal with them in a respectful way with lots of compromise and communication. They avoid bringing up past hurts but focus on coming up with acceptable solutions for both partners.
6. Fight boredom. So much of how we live our lives is due to routine and habit. After a while, it is natural to get bored by your partner and seek excitement elsewhere. Committed couples avoid that malaise by taking risks and trying new activities. This adds a vitality and excitement to your relationship and makes it more enjoyable to be around your partner.

Food for thought as many of us resolve to be better in 2014.  

My marriage and relationships are a high priority this year.  The older I get the more I continue to realize it's the people in our lives who matter most.

And also, I will continue to pick my battles and remember not to sweat the small stuff.

Your Coming Year

Happy, Thankful

1. You are alive.
2. You are able to see the sunrise and the sunset.
3. You are able to hear birds sing and waves crash.
4. You can walk outside and feel the breeze through your hair and the sun’s warmth on your skin.
5. You have tasted the sweetness of chocolate cake.
6. You didn’t go to sleep hungry last night.
7. You awoke this morning with a roof over your head.
8. You had a choice of what clothes to wear.
9. You haven’t feared for your life today.
10. You have overcome some considerable obstacles, and you have learned and survived.
11. You often worry about what you’re going to do with your life – your career, your family, the next step, etc. – which means you have ambition, passion, drive, and the freedom to make your own decisions.
12. You live in a country that protects your basic human rights and civil liberties.
13. You are reasonably strong and healthy – if you got sick today, you could recover.
14. You have a friend or relative who misses you and looks forward to your next visit.
15. You have someone with whom to reminisce about ‘the good old days.’
16. You have access to clean drinking water.
17. You have access to medical care.
18. You have access to the Internet.
19. You can read.

Life is pretty good.

{source}

Ordinary Days

I have come to realize that it's really not the special occasions that make life wonderful.

In fact, it's those random days between birthdays, holidays, and milestones that make up the most wonderful times of our lives.  
Lately my favorite moments have been Duck games with family and old friends, weekend breakfasts, dates with my bestie, baking with mom, Friday night wine tasting with the girls, fall manicures, and nature's beauty.
I'm enjoying every little minute.

Advice, in Advance

Like most people, I have reflected on stages of my life after they've passed and thought about what I could have done differently.  Often my regret is simply that I didn't appreciate what I had when I had it.

College comes to mind, when a dilemma consisted of debates with friends over which restaurant in the dorms should be the meeting spot for dinner, which season of Sex and the City should kick off the marathon, or which college bar should be the first stop of the night.  (Don't worry mom and dad-I studied too.)

{2005}

I think it's natural to live through an event or a time period and reflect on what you would change if only you had known.  If given the chance, twenty-nine year old me would grab my twenty-one year old college self by the shoulders and say: 

-"Take more risks!  Study abroad for a term.  Ignore that fear of the unknown and fear of missing out and step outside of your comfort zone." 

-"Take a language class.  Who cares if it meets five days a week and you want Fridays off?!"

-"Enjoy the years living with girlfriends.  Sharing clothes and having impromptu chats in the hallway seems easy, but someday you'll have to check seven different calendars to make girl's night happen."

-"Live it up.  Stop chasing the future and enjoy the now.  Life will not be this simple again for awhile.  Maybe ever."

There will undoubtedly be things I will wish I had known as the next decade passes.  For that reason, I'm willing to take advice from someone who's been there before me.  

While I don't relate to every item on this list, many are things that I am constantly working on, and others are things I could definitely stand to remember.

     *     *     *     *     *

13 Things I Wish I Knew When I Was a Twentysomething

By Candace Walsh, via Huffington Post

Dear Twentysomething-year-old Me,

1. When that man you have a crush on asks, "Are you a good girl or a bad girl?" laugh in his face, spin on your heel and ignore his calls.

2. Wear sunscreen. At least around your eyes and above your currently pert upper lip's cupid's bow.

3. Just because you share blood with people doesn't mean you have to give them the time of day if they are hell-bent on making you feel small, misunderstood and wrong. You've given them enough chances. Cut the cord.

4. Sign up for small automatic savings deposits that kick in every time you get paid. You'll be making down payments on your own future freedom.

5. Rejection is not a sign that you should stop doing what you love. It is married to doing what you love. It should not be kneecapping you. Embrace it.

6. If you have a problem with a valued friend, bite the bullet and talk about it. Don't just disappear on her or him.

7. Tell the truth. People really do sense it when you lie to them, and it makes them distrust you or themselves. It's the darndest thing.

8. You were raised to think that you should be married well before 30 -- and that everything else you fill your life with adds up to failure if you remain single. That's a giant bucket of steaming dookie. Be choosy. The happiness you're chasing is actually suffusing your life right now. You will look back on this time very wistfully when you've got spit-up in your hair and a husband who expects hot meals, a sparkling-clean house and you to resemble the cutie he married.

9. Reconnect with your gut. I know you were raised to ignore it, and to first please others. Without a connection to your gut, you have no compass. Listen to it. If it squawks, pay attention. The more you listen to it, the more you'll avoid messy/self-destructive detours and align with your own satisfying path.

10. You are so beautiful right now. Your skin is amazing. Your metabolism is forgiving. You have epic amounts of energy and curiosity. Do not look to others to fuel up your self-esteem. You're made of awesome. Own it and others will see it.

11. Go easier on your mother. Every single thing (except for maybe three) that annoys and disappoints you about her will be something you recognize in yourself as you get older. That's one big bakery full of humble pie you're cooking up right now.

12. Don't be competitive. Be collaborative. There's plenty of room at the table.

13. Your dream life is not something that will appear to you, or not, like an elusive, mythical unicorn. You build your own specifically perfect life every time you listen to your gut, shake off rejection, honor friends, embrace choosiness, feed your savings account, recognize your own arrogance and ignore dudes who speak bimbo.

{Feel free to comment with your own bits of advice!}

Dream & Purpose

source

A Special Occasion

Tonight Ryan and I went on a good old fashioned date.  

It was a Monday, and not a special day--besides the fact that we were apart all last week while Ryan was working on a wildfire in central Oregon and we missed each other.

He picked me up (from work) like a true gentleman and we tried to go to one of our old favorites (closed) so we chose another great place for happy hour.  

We sipped mojitos and margaritas, ate way too much gourmet Mexican food, and then capped the evening off with the much loved ice cream from Salt & Straw.

There are no pictures because I went out straight from work, my hair was a mess, my clothes were not cute, and I spent my day chasing after three year olds... 

So when I tell you it was a wonderful evening, you'll just have to take my word for it.

And that brings me to this quote.  

It doesn't take a fancy night out, a fresh new outfit, or cute hair to make an evening something special.  And taking advantage of summer evenings with my sweetheart need no special reason.

There's always a reason.

Nothing and Everything

Our future, the next steps, what we'll be doing in three months...

Ryan's mom calls it "hot jello."

We don't know where we'll be, or what we'll be doing by the end of summer.

There are a variety of possibilities, scenarios and outcomes.  

At the moment, we're working towards our goals and dreams, planning for the next steps of our lives.

Is it scary, uncomfortable and stressful? 

 Simply, YES. 

But like all the tricky unknowns life has thrown us, it will end up being great.

After all, anything is possible.

On being a morning person (or not) and making the best out of every day

 This blog has been seriously abandoned over the last few weeks.  
To be honest, I've been in a bit of a funk lately, which has kept me from bringing my best here, which is what I like to do.

 Tonight on the phone my best friend said, "Can you please put something new on your blog?"  
Since I love her, and I'm on a study break from quizzing Ryan on medical terminology and trauma assessment, that's what I'm doing.

Plus, I happen to love this little blog and the way it has kept me in touch with family, old friends, and new friends.

 My new schedule has been... an adjustment.

I am not what you call a "morning person."  Far from it.  
I must hit snooze at least three times every morning and require a good twenty minutes without talking (or being spoken to) before fully waking up, even once I'm out of bed.

 I also need at least eight solid hours of sleep.  If I get less than that, I am not 
(how should I put this?) at my best.

I am also a night owl.

Before I moving in with Ryan four years ago, I would spend most evenings up past midnight, sleeping in until ten the next day if I could get away with it.  

Unfortunately that schedule doesn't jive with most jobs... and after living in a one room apartment in Korea where Ryan and I were forced to go lights out at the same time, I have learned to push bedtime to a more reasonable hour, making mornings easier as well.

So I've been going to bed early, getting up early, working long days, and spending lots of time with family and friends, which has been great, but has left me little time for much else.  

There are lots of posts to come though, with updates and recaps on our March travels to New Jersey and New York, and photos of what we've been up to lately back in P-Town.  It's been mostly good, and that's what I need to remember.  A funk only exists if you let it. (:

And my sweet husband texted me something this morning that I love.

"Make the best out of today and every day"

Will do, honey. 

Thank you.

On Living Abroad

As I've mentioned before, Ryan and I went through some struggles before our initial move to Busan.  We made the best of the worst and and left our old lives behind for an adventure abroad six months after our wedding.  

Of course we kept in contact with our families and friends from Korea.  We skyped, emailed, and got various updates via facebook.  The longer we were away however, the more we adapted, adjusted and embraced our life abroad.  

We'd spend our weekends exploring a new part of Busan or a funky neighborhood in Seoul.  We fell in love with Busan's beaches, the country's food, and the sweet kids we taught.  We made lifelong friends who would never have become part of our lives had we not lived abroad.  We traveled through nine other countries and saw and did things I never could have imagined.

 But it wasn't perfect.

When living in Korea Ryan and I missed ten weddings over two summers.  We missed engagements, birthdays, new babies, my dad's art show, reunions with friends and trips my sister and her family made cross country to Oregon.  I still remember commiserating with my co-workers about all the delicious Thanksgiving food that was being consumed, "at this very minute over dinner," fourteen hours behind Korean time as we planned lessons for school at our desks.  

Over the course of our two years away I definitely had my share of breakdowns.

Someone recently asked me: "Are you ever coming home?"

I had to think about that.   

In the weeks following our move from Busan and while we traveled southeast Asia, Ryan and I remarked that it felt like we'd be heading back to Busan rather than the states when our trip was done.  We'd made a home there, had jobs there, and created a life there, one that we'd lived for most of the last two and half years.

"Home" was a word that had multiple meanings.

One of my favorite bloggers linked to this story on living abroad and it perfectly summarizes the wonderful and difficult, experience better than I would have been able to put into words myself.

* * * * * * *

What Happens When You Live Abroad

By Chelsea Fagan

A very dependable feature of people who live abroad is finding them huddled together in bars and restaurants, talking not just about their homelands, but about the experience of leaving. And strangely enough, these groups of ex-pats aren’t necessarily all from the same home countries, often the mere experience of trading lands and cultures is enough to link them together and build the foundations of a friendship. I knew a decent amount of ex pats — of varying lengths of stay — back in America, and it’s reassuring to see that here in Europe, the “foreigner” bars are just as prevalent and filled with the same warm, nostalgic chatter. 

But one thing that undoubtedly exists between all of us, something that lingers unspoken at all of our gatherings, is fear. There is a palpable fear to living in a new country, and though it is more acute in the first months, even year, of your stay, it never completely evaporates as time goes on. It simply changes. The anxiousness that was once concentrated on how you’re going to make new friends, adjust, and master the nuances of the language has become the repeated question “What am I missing?” As you settle into your new life and country, as time passes and becomes less a question of how long you’ve been here and more one of how long you’ve been gone, you realize that life back home has gone on without you. People have grown up, they’ve moved, they’ve married, they’ve become completely different people — and so have you.

It’s hard to deny that the act of living in another country, in another language, fundamentally changes you. Different parts of your personality sort of float to the top, and you take on qualities, mannerisms, and opinions that define the new people around you. And there’s nothing wrong with that; it’s often part of the reason you left in the first place. You wanted to evolve, to change something, to put yourself in an uncomfortable new situation that would force you to into a new phase of your life.

So many of us, when we leave our home countries, want to escape ourselves. We build up enormous webs of people, of bars and coffee shops, of arguments and exes and the same five places over and over again, from which we feel we can’t break free. There are just too many bridges that have been burned, or love that has turned sour and ugly, or restaurants at which you’ve eaten everything on the menu at least ten times — the only way to escape and to wipe your slate clean is to go somewhere where no one knows who you were, and no one is going to ask. And while it’s enormously refreshing and exhilarating to feel like you can be anyone you want to be and come without the baggage of your past, you realize just how much of “you” was based more on geographic location than anything else.

Walking streets alone and eating dinner at tables for one — maybe with a book, maybe not — you’re left alone for hours, days on end with nothing but your own thoughts. You start talking to yourself, asking yourself questions and answering them, and taking in the day’s activities with a slowness and an appreciation that you’ve never before even attempted. 
Even just going to the grocery store — when in an exciting new place, when all by yourself, when in a new language — is a thrilling activity. And having to start from zero and rebuild everything, having to re-learn how to live and carry out every day activities like a child, fundamentally alters you. Yes, the country and its people will have their own effect on who you are and what you think, but few things are more profound than just starting over with the basics and relying on yourself to build a life again. I have yet to meet a person who I didn’t find calmed by the experience. There is a certain amount of comfort and confidence that you gain with yourself when you go to this new place and start all over again, and a knowledge that — come what may in the rest of your life — you were capable of taking that leap and landing softly at least once. 

But there are the fears. And yes, life has gone on without you. And the longer you stay in your new home, the more profound those changes will become. Holidays, birthdays, weddings — every event that you miss suddenly becomes a tick mark on an endless ream of paper. One day, you simply look back and realize that so much has happened in your absence, that so much has changed. You find it harder and harder to start conversations with people who used to be some of your best friends, and in-jokes become increasingly foreign — you have become an outsider. There are those who stay so long that they can never go back. We all meet the ex-pat who has been in his new home for 30 years and who seems to have almost replaced the missed years spent back in his homeland with full, passionate immersion into his new country. Yes, technically they are immigrants. Technically their birth certificate would place them in a different part of the world. But it’s undeniable that whatever life they left back home, they could never pick up all the pieces to. That old person is gone, and you realize that every day, you come a tiny bit closer to becoming that person yourself — even if you don’t want to.

So you look at your life, and the two countries that hold it, and realize that you are now two distinct people. As much as your countries represent and fulfill different parts of you and what you enjoy about life, as much as you have formed unbreakable bonds with people you love in both places, as much as you feel truly at home in either one, so you are divided in two. For the rest of your life, or at least it feels this way, you will spend your time in one naggingly longing for the other, and waiting until you can get back for at least a few weeks and dive back into the person you were back there. It takes so much to carve out a new life for yourself somewhere new, and it can’t die simply because you’ve moved over a few time zones. The people that took you into their country and became your new family, they aren’t going to mean any less to you when you’re far away. 

When you live abroad, you realize that, no matter where you are, you will always be an ex-pat. There will always be a part of you that is far away from its home and is lying dormant until it can breathe and live in full color back in the country where it belongs. To live in a new place is a beautiful, thrilling thing, and it can show you that you can be whoever you want — on your own terms. It can give you the gift of freedom, of new beginnings, of curiosity and excitement. But to start over, to get on that plane, doesn’t come without a price. You cannot be in two places at once, and from now on, you will always lay awake on certain nights and think of all the things you’re missing out on back home. 

* * * * * * * 

Although Ryan and I have extended our time away here in Mexico just a little longer, we're set to return "home" to Oregon mid-March.  We'll stay in Portland at least through the summer while Ryan finishes classes towards his EMT certificate.  And although we'll probably remain in the states after that, living abroad, with both its pros and its cons, will be an experience that has shaped and changed us forever.

A Pep Talk From Kid President to You

This is life people.... that means it's time to do something :)

Thoughts on Travel

{This begins to sum up some of what we've learned from our travels. 

And for the record, I think it applies not only to young people, but all people.} 

* * * * *

 

 {source}

How to Have a Good Life

January is a time for resolutions.  

Eat healthier food, get more exercise, finally finish the projects that have been started... you know the drill.  We all do.  And by February most people have reverted back to living life the same way they did in December. 

I love the quote above for its simple advice on how to have a good life--something that I think we all want.  It isn't attained by a long list of strict resolutions made on January first, but by consciously focusing on what you want out of this life and how to get it. 

A good life doesn't look the same for everyone, but for me it's about the advice in this quote.

Happy 2013 to all!

Here's hoping that it's filled with happiness, health, peace and love.

Miracles

"It is a miracle if you can find true friends, and it is a miracle if you have enough food to eat, and it is a miracle if you get to spend your days and evenings doing whatever it is you like to do, and the holiday season—like all the other seasons—is a good time not only to tell stories of miracles, but to think about the miracles in your own life, and to be grateful for them." —Lemony Snicket, The Lump of Coal

Thankful, Grateful

So it's a holiday and I'm feeling sentimental. 

It didn't really feel like Thanksgiving when we woke up this morning.  

Could have had something to do with the fact that it was 90 degrees, sunny, and so humid that my hair was a frizzball before we even left our hotel.  Dare I say I am getting tired of warm weather and am ready to put on my Ugg boots and a sweater?  I am sure that two days of Portland rain will cure me of this.  

Speaking of.... 

This is the third Thanksgiving in a row that we haven't been home in Oregon.  Again this year we'll be missing the drive from Portland to Eugene, the appetizers and first dinner with Ryan's family, followed by wine and dinner #2 with mine.  

There won't be pumpkin pie, cranberry sauce or turkey.  We won't be catching up with relatives, watching football on TV or shedding fall boots and scarves at the front door on the way into a bustling house.  This year is even different than the last, or the one before where we've celebrated at "home" in two Busan apartments.

Ok so now I'm tearing up.  It's hard to be away from home, especially during the holidays.

We're sad that we're away from home this Thanksgiving, but we're also thankful.  

So thankful.   
Thankful for the family who love and support us always, for the friends who make time to stay in touch with us from across the world, for the health, the love, and the adventures and opportunities that we have in our lives.

Please eat lots for us today and enjoy the time with your family and/or friends and don't take it for granted.
 

Happy Thanksgiving from our little family to yours.

On Leaving

Small Joys

We are leaving Korea in just over one month and ending an incredible chapter of our lives.  

Before we know it we'll be moving out of our little apartment, carefully packing a choice few belongings into our backpacks and setting out to explore Southeast Asia once again.  The next thing we know we'll be back in Oregon in January, reuniting with family, catching up over happy hour with friends, and deciding together what our next steps will be.

As amazing as those impending experiences are I don't want to rush them. 

I want to enjoy the last month in our teeny tiny apartment, the beautiful beach that's just a subway ride away, the subway itself, the travel books we have yet to read, and the adorable kiddies that we've grown to love.  

I want to notice the small joys and hold them close, because life's little things are often just as important as the big things-we just don't take the time to notice.  I will notice.